If you ask many engaged couples what’s worrying them before the big day, you’ll probably hear about things like catering budgets, guest lists, or finding the right dress.

But for thousands of working-class people in Ģ����Ƶ and across the country, something else is causing their wedding anxiety: the financial benefits they might lose.

Because of rules in our tax system, walking down the aisle can sometimes lead to what’s called a “marriage penalty.” Instead of helping couples build a stable foundation, current policies often force a heartbreaking choice: commit to each other legally, or make ends meet.

The Cost of Combining Incomes

The is one of our country’s largest anti-poverty initiatives. The credit increases with every dollar workers make, up to a point, and then phases out as a household earns more.

But the EITC can also be a hidden poverty trap. When low-income people get married, the tax system unintentionally penalizes them for doing exactly what they should to escape poverty: working hard, combining resources, and building a stable home. 

Imagine two parents who want to marry each other. The woman makes $18,000 per year, and the man makes $30,000 per year.

As a single head of household tax filer with two kids, the woman qualifies for a much-needed $7,200 tax credit.

Her partner files single and doesn’t qualify for the EITC.

Together, unmarried, they use the $7,200 credit the woman gets at tax time to pay debts or cover expenses.

But if they marry, the tax system starts phasing out their credit based on their new $48,000 joint income, and it instantly drops to about $3,770.

The new spouses lose $3,430 overnight—almost a full month’s income—just because they made their relationship official. 

For some, this can be too much of a loss to risk.

The Life-Changing Power of Marriage and Family Stability

Marriage can lead to more happiness and satisfaction for couples—two incomes to cover the bills, a partner who shares the responsibilities, and the sense of well-being that comes from experiencing life with someone you love.

And kids who grow up in stable, two-parent homes are more likely to thrive in school, have better physical and mental health, and break cycles of generational poverty. 

But many low-income families aren’t getting to experience these benefits, and policies that discourage marriage—like the ones involving the EITC—are part of the reason why. 

Statistics confirm a decrease in marriages but also their importance for families.

• Just 50% of American adults are currently married, down from 69% in 1970. The number is even lower for people with less education and those who don’t identify as White.
• 63% of children live with two married parents. Again, that number drops for less-educated and non-White Americans.
• When married parents are compared to single parents with the same level of education, the poverty rate for a married person is 75% lower.
• Children raised by married parents are 82% less likely to live in poverty.

When it comes to Ģ����Ƶ:

• 54% of women and 49% of men are unmarried.
• 38% of children live in single-parent families.
• 18% of children (461,000 kids) live in poverty—the fifth highest number in the country.
• The state ranks 39th in the nation for overall child and family well-being.

Big cultural shifts have changed how many people think about marriage—and this plays a role in decisions not to marry. But the data shows that a stable, two-parent home still provides families with more financial security and opportunities for upward mobility. It’s also one of the most powerful solutions for lifting children out of poverty.

A Less Risky Path to “I Do”

A new study from the Ģ����Ƶ Center for Opportunity offers recommendations to make the EITC work better for low-income families. In particular, the federal government could adjust the maximum benefits and the eligibility limit for married couples. This would let new spouses combine their earnings without triggering an automatic loss of some or all of the credit. It would also remove a big barrier to building strong relationships and stable households.

Reforming the EITC won’t solve every challenge facing working-class families. But by restructuring the credit to reward partnership instead of penalizing it, the government can make sure that saying “I do” really is a celebration—a step toward a brighter future and a better quality of life for everyone in the family.

FAQs Ģ����Ƶ the EITC

Additional Resources

The post When a Love Story Meets the Tax Code appeared first on For Opportunity.

As Halloween approaches, Ģ����Ƶ families usually look forward to making great memories involving irresistibly adorable costumes and big candy hauls. Many of us know—maybe even from our own childhood experiences—that trick-or-treaters often cheer with delight when they find their favorite sweets in their candy bags.

Halloween is the season for treats. It’s the biggest day of the year for candy sales, slightly surpassing Valentine’s Day. Data on consumer purchases shows that Ģ����Ƶ’s favorite Halloween candies are , , and , with M&M’s and Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups following close behind.

Most of us indulge in these sweet treats every now and then, especially around Halloween. But for many Ģ����Ƶ families, candy is becoming hard to afford. 

Candy and chewing gum prices have increased by an astonishing 38% over the last five years. That’s even more than grocery prices, which have gone up 25% during the same period.

Candy and chewing gum prices, January 2021 to July 2025

For chocolate treats in particular, recent bouts of bad weather and crop diseases have damaged cocoa trees around the world. This has led to a cocoa shortage that has . 

High costs like these are making it difficult for some Ģ����Ƶns to give their children and their young neighbors the happy and memorable Halloween they’re hoping for.  

The struggle to afford life in Ģ����Ƶ (beyond Halloween candy)

Many low- and middle-income families in Ģ����Ƶ are struggling to cover the basic costs of living, as prices for just about everything seem to be rising. The increasing costs add extra hardship to the many barriers that already impact people’s well-being and their ability to afford the occasional fun extras like Halloween candy.

• Shortage of affordable housing: The shortage is driving up prices and making affordable homes hard to come by. High mortgage rates, rising costs of construction materials, and a big increase in Ģ����Ƶ’s population since 1980 are contributing to the problem. Restrictive local regulations regarding land use and infrastructure, including roads and water lines, are making the housing shortage even more severe.

• Barriers to work and upward mobility:Ģ����Ƶ a quarter of prime age (25-54) adults aren’t working in 96 Ģ����Ƶ counties. Many of these Ģ����Ƶns are facing limited economic opportunities in their communities. And some workers feel forced to stay in low-paying jobs to remain eligible for the safety net benefits that protect their family’s well-being. These difficult situations keep people from rising out of poverty and growing their income.

• Access to sufficient food: In 2024, to help them buy food. Of those SNAP participants, 69% were part of families with children, and most had incomes below the poverty line. While Ģ����Ƶ families can use SNAP benefits to buy candy, meeting basic needs is the priority for most.

Policy solutions Ģ����Ƶ can’t afford to ignore

Ģ����Ƶ lawmakers have the ability to make valuable reforms that would help people have more money in their pockets for family expenses.

• Fewer housing regulations: To , local leaders in Ģ����Ƶ need to allow greater flexibility in lot sizes in new subdivisions. They should also grant more permits for varied housing types—like duplexes, triplexes, and townhomes—and for additional homes near commercial centers. These changes would enable builders to construct more affordable homes.

• Reduced occupational licensing requirements: Ģ����Ƶ policymakers have many opportunities to lower barriers to meaningful work and upward mobility, including by . These licenses are typically mandatory for certain professions. By implementing licensing reforms, lawmakers could open more doors for workers, streamlining processes and removing some of the exclusions for people who have been incarcerated.

• Revamped welfare system: To improve Ģ����Ƶ’s welfare system, state lawmakers should explore a . In this scenario, both benefits and job training support would be linked together in a single location. This would provide welfare recipients with a clear path back into the workforce and toward financial independence.

These vital policy changes would strengthen and stabilize Ģ����Ƶ families, helping to lift them above the poverty line and making it possible for them to thrive, even in the face of rising costs. Strong families, in turn, would help their communities prosper. And with more opportunities to flourish, life would be sweeter for Ģ����Ƶns—not just at Halloween but all throughout the year.

Additional Resources

The post Frightfully Pricey Treats: Why Halloween Fun Is Costing Ģ����Ƶ Families More appeared first on For Opportunity.

Parental love is more than just affection—it’s a powerful force that can shape a child’s life in profound ways. Far beyond the hugs and bedtime stories, the bond between a parent and child lays the groundwork for emotional security, social skills, academic achievements, and even lifelong decision-making.

Think of it as building a foundation for the future. Parents who provide consistent love and support create an environment where children feel safe to grow, learn, and thrive. These positive relationships don’t just affect childhood—they set the stage for success and resilience well into adulthood. 

Parental love enables children to be at their best emotionally, socially, and academically��

But why is this connection so vital? And what does science say about the benefits of parental love? From boosting emotional health to improving academic success, the rewards are more surprising and far-reaching than you might think.

1. Emotional well-being and mental health

A child who feels loved and supported grows up with a strong sense of security and self-worth. This emotional foundation helps children manage stress and develop resilience during difficult times. Research shows that children with strong relationships with their parents are better adjusted emotionally and face fewer mental health challenges, such as anxiety and depression.

2. Behavioral regulation

Parental love plays a crucial role in teaching kids how to interact with the world. Through daily interactions, children learn emotional regulation, problem-solving, and conflict resolution skills. These lessons form the building blocks of self-control and appropriate social behavior, helping children grow into responsible adults.

3. Academic success

Children with engaged parents tend to do better in school. By being involved in their children’s education—whether it’s attending parent-teacher conferences, helping with homework, or simply being a source of encouragement—parents can spark a love of learning. The result? Higher grades, better school attendance, and a more motivated, confident student.

4. Prevention of risky behaviors

Strong parent-child relationships act as protective measures against risky behaviors, including substance abuse, delinquency, and teen pregnancy. When children feel connected to their parents, they’re more likely to seek parental guidance when facing tough decisions, reducing the likelihood of engaging in harmful activities.

Through GCO’s Raising Highly Capable Kids Program, communities can offer parents a safe, supportive place to learn how to nurture loving bonds at home.��

Empowering parents to strengthen loving relationships is one of the best priorities a community can have

At the Ģ����Ƶ Center for Opportunity (GCO), we understand the critical role parents play in raising capable, confident kids. Our Raising Highly Capable Kids (RHCK) program focuses on empowering parents by teaching them the 40 Developmental Assets—a research-driven framework that fosters emotional and social growth in children. These assets cover essential aspects like support, empowerment, and positive identity, serving as the foundation for raising resilient kids.

RHCK has benefited parents like Brittany Moore, who found the workshop life-changing. The program provided her with practical tools, a renewed sense of purpose, and the confidence to handle conflicts.

“Parenting is one of the hardest yet most rewarding jobs, and there’s no shame in seeking support,” Brittany shared. She emphasizes that RHCK is more than just a workshop—it’s a welcoming community of people who understand the ups and downs of raising children. “You’ll walk away with valuable lessons, practical tools, and a renewed sense of confidence,” she said.

Through RHCK, parents receive tools and strategies to build loving, stable homes. Here’s how it works:

• Workshops and classes: Parents participate in structured sessions that offer guidance on fostering healthy relationships and teaching critical life skills.
  
• Hands-on support: Expert facilitators provide personalized support, helping parents identify areas of growth and build stronger connections with their children.
  
• Community-building: RHCK creates a supportive community where parents can collaborate, share experiences, and learn from one another.

Interested in getting involved with RHCK?��

If you’re ready to grow stronger as a parent and learn how intentional, loving relationships can lead to transformational change in your family, we welcome you to join the RHCK program where you’ll find a safe, supportive environment to access the tools, strategies, and community needed to confidently tackle the ups and downs of parenting.

Workshops in Gwinnett

to be notified of upcoming workshops in Gwinnett.

Workshops in additional communities

Get on the list for notifications of workshops in other communities.

The post 4 Surprising Benefits of Parental Love That Set Children Up for a Flourishing Life appeared first on For Opportunity.

An epidemic of teen depression (and what to do about it)

Key Takeaways:

• In the last 10 years, the number of teens identifying as having “experienced persistent feelings of sadness and hopelessness” doubled.
• School connectedness was a key barometer of how well teens fared mentally.
• Teens tend to be more isolated than their peers of past decades, more reliant on social media and smartphones to create a type of “pseudo community.”
• GCO’s priorities is to offer relationship enrichment classes in local communities and schools.

Full Report:

Nothing in life can replace genuine community

The United States has a teen depression problem. And it’s only getting worse.

That assessment is based released in April. It found that 44% of teens “experienced persistent feelings of sadness or hopelessness” in the most recent 12-month period. What’s more, 20% of teens “had seriously considered attempting suicide” and 9% “had attempted suicide.”

What’s truly eye-opening is when you compare these statistics with the reported mental health status of teens a decade ago. In 2009, for example, just 26% of teens reported having consistent feelings of sadness and despair. That means in roughly the last decade, the rate of teens who feel this way has nearly doubled. Rates of teens attempting suicide (from 14% to 19%) or committing suicide (6% to 9%) also increased during that period.

The COVID-19 pandemic has only worsened the problem, as teens have been more isolated than ever. The CDC survey was of 7,700 teens conducted in the first six months of 2021, when the young people were still mired in the worst of the pandemic school shutdowns and social isolation.

“These data echo a cry for help,” said CDC acting principal deputy director Debra Houry in . “The COVID-19 pandemic has created traumatic stressors that have the potential to further erode students’ mental wellbeing.”

Importantly, the CDC report found that school connectedness was a key barometer of how well teens fared mentally. “Youth who felt connected to adults and peers at school were significantly less likely than those who did not to report persistent feelings of sadness or hopelessness,” the study concluded.

What’s interesting about this anecdote from the CDC report is the emphasis on community and positive social relationships in maintaining good mental health. Today’s teens tend to be more isolated than their peers of past decades, more reliant on social media and smartphones to create a type of “pseudo community.”

, “Compared with their counterparts in the 2000s, today’s teens are less likely to go out with their friends, get their driver’s license, or play youth sports.”

It goes without saying that the pandemic only worsened these problems. What’s more, our nation’s public discourse has continued to deteriorate and today has never been more toxic, in large part fed by a culture drenched in social media.

The Success Sequence provides an outline of how to reverse the cycle of poverty in our communities. GCO uses this as a framework for much of our work.

Again to quote The Atlantic, “Outwardly, teens are growing up slower; but online, they’re growing up faster. The internet exposes teenagers not only to supportive friendships but also to bullying, threats, despairing conversations about mental health, and a slurry of unsolvable global problems—a carnival of negativity. Social media places in every teen’s pocket a quantified battle royal for scarce popularity that can displace hours of sleep and makes many teens, especially girls, feel worse about their body and life. Amplify these existing trends with a global pandemic and an unprecedented period of social isolation, and suddenly, the remarkable rise of teenage sadness doesn’t feel all that mysterious, does it?”

Solutions to this problem are not easy, but we know from our work at the Ģ����Ƶ Center for Opportunity (GCO) that nothing in life can replace genuine community. That community ranges from a good school to a healthy family life to thriving relationships to meaningful work. Teenagers need this just as much as adults — perhaps even more so as they pass through these key years of development.

One of GCO’s priorities is to offer relationship enrichment classes in local communities and schools. That includes students in middle and high school. Joyce Mayberry, vice president of GCO’s family team, “Teaching young people the dynamics of healthy relationships is so important, now more than ever. We’re seeing the devastating results of a loss of meaningful relationships, but it’s not too late to reverse course. All it takes is a direct investment in sharing the tools and approaches that work with young people.”

The bottom line is this: A key way to combat this epidemic of teen depression and poor mental health is through real community, where teens experience relationships face-to-face with friends, family, and broader society. That’s also one of the best ways to break the social media addiction — substituting real relationships for fake ones in a virtual world. Ultimately, it all loops back to community.

The post An epidemic of teen depression (and what to do about it) appeared first on For Opportunity.

The COVID-19 pandemic has put stress and strain on peoples’ relationships like few other times. In this challenging environment, the Ģ����Ƶ Center for Opportunity has stepped up to be involved in a new series of relationship enrichment classes called .

Below is a Q&A with Curtis and Tonika, two graduates of the Elevate class who share their experiences and takeaways.

Q: Please introduce yourselves—your background, current work, and family life?

Tonika: We are a mixed family of five children. We’ve been married for two years in June and we dated for three and a half years. We met through a mutual friend, my son’s barber. When I met my husband, he had custody of his four children from a previous marriage. So he brought four to the team and I brought one. It took me a while to get over the whole shenanigans of the kids, but we were friends.

What won me over was just watching him with his children just take care of the spiritual, education, just everything. I watched him do this effortlessly. He has a heart of gold, because most people would run away.

For work, I’ve actually been a nurse practitioner for about two years. I’ve been a nurse for 16 years. We recently moved to the Atlanta area about almost two years ago now. We come from middle Ģ����Ƶ in Macon and Milledgeville.

Curtis: I did accounting for 15 years and then I transitioned about three years ago into chaplaincy. So I’m a chaplain for a hospice company here in Atlanta.

Q: Heading into the Elevate class, what were some of the most significant challenges and stressors in your relationship?

Curtis: For me, the biggest thing was striving to navigate through a blended family. I was hoping to gain some insights on how to navigate that in a healthy way. That was really, really important to me. The class did offer me some insights that I was able to extract. Marriage within itself is a challenge, coupled with children is another challenge. But in a blended family, they don’t teach you that in school.

Tonika and I are similar in our love for Christ, in our career aspirations, and things of that nature. But our biggest struggle is the blended family component when it comes to the children.

Q: What parts of the Elevate class did you find most useful?

Curtis: What was most useful for me was the opportunity to reflect upon myself—just the place and space that I am in as an individual. That matters a lot. Because at the end of the day, I have no control over what comes out of somebody else’s mouth or the actions that they choose to display. But I do have complete control over how I respond and the things I choose to do. So each session afforded me the opportunity to just reflect—what are my growing areas? What am I missing? What are my blind spots?

Q: Of the seven core relationship skills and qualities for success, which one did you find most impactful for your own relationship?

Tonika: For me it was “engage.” It’s easy to forget about engagement with a busy day-to-day life. For me, it helped remind me of what’s most important. You have to make it a priority or it’ll just be on the list.

Q: Overall, how did Elevate improve your relationship?

Curtis: It afforded me a better understanding of Tonika. Just pausing enough to even consider her perspective. I think that was big for me. I honestly try to do that and she’ll be the first one to tell you I get it wrong a lot. I can make my mind up about something really fast. I’m very flexible, I’m very optimistic. One of my excuses is that I don’t make excuses, I make adjustments. I make it work. That’s just how I’ve been raised. But I can’t automatically project that onto Tonika. I have done that in the past, and it’s 100% wrong of me. Now, I consider her thoughts, her framework, and her narrative.

Q: What are your future goals and plans?

Tonika: I want us to continue to build, to continue to grow, continue to understand each other. Just grow individually and collectively in marriage. Always seek to better ourselves and our marriage. There is no cap to that—we’ll never get it right all the time. You always need to be building upon that.

Curtis: Balance and then a healthy life. I definitely want to continue to see personal growth. I often tell my kids that the only person I’m in competition with is striving to be a better person than who I was yesterday. I also want balance. I’m at that place where everything can’t be a priority. A lot of things that used to matter to me don’t really matter anymore.

The Elevate program is being provided to couples across Ģ����Ƶ thanks to a federal grant received by the Fostering Relationship and Economic Enrichment Project (Project F.R.E.E.).

Project F.R.E.E. is a collaboration between the University of Ģ����Ƶ Extension System and community partners across Ģ����Ƶ. Our aim is to create communities where children are safe and thrive. To do this, our campus-community partnership initiative is mobilizing a network of organizations who connect, learn and collaborate to integrate healthy marriage and relationship education into existing community-based services across Ģ����Ƶ.

Taking Your Relationship To The Next Level!

Empower Yourself: Empower your relationship through empowering yourself
Lay the Foundation: Intentionally committing effort to lay the foundation for a lasting relationship
Enlighten: Sharing intimate information with your partner to enlighten each other about your relationship
Value: Value and respect the positive aspects of your partner and your relationship
Attach: Cultivating and maintaining friendship with your partner �� �� �� �� �� �� �� �� �� �� �� �� �� �� �� �� �� �� �� �� �� �� �� �� �� �� Tame: Cultivate strategies to manage your differences in healthy and safe ways �� �� �� �� �� �� �� �� �� �� �� �� �� Engage (and Wrap Up): Engaging social support, community ties, and sources of meaning

The post Q&A with Curtis and Tonika on Their Experience in the Elevate Class appeared first on For Opportunity.

This year we celebrated our country and one of its biggest values…family.��

For many the Fourth of July is more than just a celebration of our country’s birth—it is an opportunity to gather with family. An opportunity to connect and celebrate together. It feels like this past year, more than most, this was true as we came out of a period of social distancing and separation.��

While many areas of our state refrained from large gatherings, most people returned to having small gatherings of family and friends. Picnics and backyard get-togethers returned and with them came improved social, mental, and relational health for many of our families and neighbors.

As we have discovered over the past 12-14 months, these previously mundane gatherings with family are much more important to our community and personal mental health than we may have realized. We have taken for granted the value and the connections we need to sustain our lives. And we have had a reawakening to the requisite relationships that ground us and support us through hard times.

It is why family is one of the pillars of which models the tangible ways that we can make strides in addressing poverty. It is a recognition of the importance of the role family has in creating stability and support. It is why we must continue to value it and why, I believe, it is directly connected to our national identity.

The Success Sequence provides an outline of how to reverse the cycle of poverty in our communities.��

But celebrating family happens outside of a single holiday (or even a nation). As the summer continues many of us will jubilantly gather and connect. It is as if the past year or so has reset our expectations and even our need to be with those we love.

I have seen many people recently post realizations of how much they missed being together and hugging someone. When it was part of our day-to-day, we just expected it. But since it was deprived from us for so long, we understand the importance of it.

Let us not forget the power of coming together. The strength we gain by being with one another and supporting each other. The power that comes out of family and relationships.

The post A renewed reason to celebrate this Fourth of July appeared first on For Opportunity.

Kenneth Braswell of was recently honored on OWN’s Spotlight Celebrating Black Fatherhood. It brought back a positive memory of the dad event () hosted by the Ģ����Ƶ Center for Opportunity, where fathers and father’s to be from all walks of life, gathered in one place to see, hear and connect stories and strategies on��being present.��
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We were honored to have Kenneth Braswell as one our profound speakers.�� He spoke to the men with humility and boldness about going beyond their profession as a father, the impact of a father’s involvement in his home, and the importance of being a role model to our youth.
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Very few women were present at the event and as the coordinator, I was able to stand back and watch the energy in the room come to life when the men began to share their fatherhood stories of tragedy and triumph.
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What I witnessed was uplifting and remarkable. It confirmed for me why the work of strengthening families and partnership is extremely important to families flourishing.
��

“They’re [children with present fathers are] more likely to have high-paying jobs and when they grow up.”. ����

–

Dads are not alone and need support

The men in that room, on that specific day, received confirmation from other men in knowing that they were not alone.
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At GCO, we know that dads are not alone and need support which is one of the reasons we offer relationship education classes, workshops and resources to dads and families. Research indicates��that when a dad is present and engaged in their child’s life they are less likely to drop out of school or wind up in jail compared to children with absent fathers or male caretakers or role models.
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Take a moment to look at the dad crisis absence brochure when fathers aren’t present from.
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It is great to know that Kenneth Braswell of Fathers Incorporated continues to do the work that helps fathers be
present as fathers and as community leaders.
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Call our offices at��770-242-0001��to find out more about our relationship education/training resources.

The post Connecting the Presence of an Honored Father appeared first on For Opportunity.

By Guest Blogger��Jen Johnson��

“We have a unique��opportunity to��introduce��this social skill��this year due to the financial impacts of the pandemic.“

Have you ever shown up to a party or wedding and felt under or over dressed? Have you turned up at a friend’s house for game night and realized your partner forgot to tell you it was potluck and you’re empty-handed? What about when you’ve gone to a restaurant and realized after arriving that there’s a dress code or that you need to tip and you didn’t bring cash? Think about a time where you’ve been embarrassed or frustrated because you didn’t meet an expectation you didn’t know about beforehand?��

What happened?

How did it feel?

What would you have preferred happened?

All of these experiences of discomfort could have been avoided if you had known the expectations in advance, right?

Setting expectations is an integral part of helping children meet expectations and manage their feelings.

This year families will be experiencing holidays in different ways due to the pandemic. Many families will not be seeing grandparents or extended family due to the risk of exposure to Covid-19. Events that have often anchored the holidays in the minds of children may be cancelled (e.g., Santa at the mall, holiday parties, community gatherings, religious services, parades).��

Children have experienced changes in major routines since the beginning of 2020. Many of these changes have happened so quickly that children did not have the chance to emotionally adjust. For example, schools closed quite suddenly in the Spring and decisions about virtual/hybrid/face to face learning have been made by the month and sometimes down to the week in some school districts.��

Fortunately, the holidays don’t have to be experienced that way. We, as caregivers, are in charge of our holiday plans. They don’t depend on the government, the school district, or any organization. We can decide now what the holidays will look like and begin setting expectations with children in advance.

I want to discuss two different aspects of setting expectations:��topics that may need to be considered and discussed,��and language you can use to communicate with children.��

These are some areas��you may need to consider setting expectations:

Family Gatherings

Will you attend? Will you wear masks? Will there be social distancing? Will certain family members not be in attendance due to their decisions about their health? Children need to know in advance what to expect at family gatherings this holiday season. Don’t wait until you’re on the way to the gathering in the car to set expectations. Start talking about it now! Bring it up several times before the actual holiday arrives and allow children to share their thoughts and feelings. It might sound something like this:

“I want to talk to you about Thanksgiving this year. Usually we go to Grandma’s house and all your aunts and uncles and cousins come and we eat and play games. Do you remember��when we did that last year?”��Asking if they remember is important depending on the age.��If they don’t remember, then the change this year may not be a big deal to them. If they do, it may be a bit more challenging. “This year is going to be�� different, kind of like how school is different right now.” (Insert your plans and expectations. I’ll share my family plans.) “This year we are all going to make food at our own houses and then we are going to Zoom with all of our aunts and uncles and cousins. We are still going to play games, except we will be online together instead of in person. I’m feeling sad we won’t see our family, but I’m excited about the new games.” (You’ve just modeled how to share emotions.) “What feelings are you having about this?” (wait)��“What questions do you have?” (Use this instead of��“Do you have questions?”)

Traditional Holiday Events

What are the events your family attends every year during the holidays? My family loves to go to the Fantasy of Lights in my hometown of Wichita Falls, Texas. We gather at Grandma’s house for dinner so she feels cozy and included since Grandpa passed a few years ago. Christmas Eve services are almost always on the books, and since my son was born we’ve started celebrating Christmas morning at my parents’ house. To kick off the holiday season, we almost always go to the Dallas Symphony Orchestra’s holiday show and have a family cookie baking night.

It is quite likely that none of these events will happen this year.

Grandma is elderly. Mom is a survivor of lung cancer and a lobectomy. My son is considered high risk, so crowding into a church building isn’t a risk we are willing to take. The pandemic has drastically changed how we will engage in holiday events this year.��

Just as you talked about family gatherings and how those will look different, talk about how events surrounding the holiday will look different this year. Think of ways you can substitute those events with safe ones. For example, we plan to stream a musical holiday show instead of going in person. We might even get all dressed up! We will likely have our own cookie baking night at home and gather virtually with Grandma and our parents. If my son was older, the conversation might sound like this:

“I want to talk to you about our��(insert holiday) traditions.��You might have to explain that “traditions are things we do every year around the holidays” and give an example.��What��(insert holiday) traditions can you think of that you’re looking forward to this year?��Allow your child time to talk about what they’re looking forward to.��Focus on the events they are excited about and determine whether those are safe events. If they aren’t you might say something like,��“I really like to go to the music show too. This year instead of going to Dallas for the show, we’re going to watch it at home on TV. I’m feeling disappointed that we won’t get to see Santa come out at the Christmas show, but I’m excited that we can still watch on TV because we can have snacks while we watch!”��You’ve just modeled how to share emotions. “What feelings are you having about this?” (wait) What questions do you have?” (Use this instead of��“Do you have questions?”)��

Gifts

The financial impacts of the pandemic have been significant for many families. Your family may have traditions related to gift-giving that may need to look different this year. And that’s okay! It’s important to prepare children for this difference. I am NOT saying we need to explain financial difficulties to children. Finances are an adult issue, and children should feel as safe and secure as possible. However, it is possible to set expectations around gift-giving without referencing finances.

As caregivers, we have two options: Pretend like everything is going to happen as normal and then manage the disappointment and hurt feelings on that special holiday.

or (and preferably)

Tell children in advance that gift-giving is going to be different this year so we can get all those thoughts and feelings processed before the holiday.��It doesn’t mean there won’t be thoughts and feelings on the holiday, but they will most likely be less intense if there has been regular discussion and processing prior to the holiday. There is no benefit to not telling a child they won’t be getting a��pony or the newest gaming system. The benefit of communicating the truth is that it helps them adjust their expectations so they are better able to enjoy the gift they DO receive. It might sound like this:

“I saw that you wrote your gift wish list. I want to look at it together and talk about what’s on it. Your wish list looks so fun. I see that you put��______ on your list. I am not (or Santa is not) going to be able to get that gift for you this year. But can you think of something fun we could do? Maybe we could have a special chocolate chip pancake breakfast and watch Christmas movies? (*Insert things you could do together.) How are you feeling about that?��What questions do you have?”

*Go hiking or biking. Do a craft with supplies from your local dollar store. Drive around at night with closed mugs of hot chocolate and do a scavenger hunt of different yard decorations.��

A few days later, circle back to the discussion again and��take the opportunity��to teach��your child how to receive a gift that isn’t exactly what they wanted.

We’ve all had the experience of opening up a gift to discover we’ve received something we just don’t care for. As adults, we don’t throw tantrums or point out that we don’t like it because we’ve learned social skills related to this experience. Our children can learn this skill one of three ways.

1) They observe someone else, usually another child, express they don’t like something, observe the negative reactions of the adults, and promise themselves they’ll never do that.

2) They themselves express that they don’t like something, experience the negative shaming reaction of adults, and promise themselves they’ll never do that again.

or (and preferably)

3) They are pre-taught to show appreciation for every gift and the consequences of what happens when you don’t (i.e. people get their feelings hurt and it makes them sad). Discussion and role plays that allow children to practice are helpful when teaching this skill. When they are pre-taught the skill, they are more likely to meet expectations because you’ve set them up in advance.��This doesn’t mean they won’t feel disappointed or sad or even�� that they will master the skill this holiday, but we have a unique��opportunity to��introduce��this social skill��this year due to the financial impacts of the pandemic.

We have a unique��opportunity to��introduce��this social skill��this year due to the financial impacts of the pandemic.

Holidays this year are certainly going to be different. It is 100% okay to grieve the loss of the connections and fun that will be missed, and we should walk with children through those experiences and emotions. As caregivers, we have the opportunity to model how to process the emotions and mold the experience our children have during the holidays this year.

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Jen Johnson����is the founder of and a PhD Candidate in the Department of Educational Psychology at the University of North Texas. Jen worked in public education for almost a decade before moving into the private sector to address child abuse and maltreatment through The Child Safety Collaborative. Her research is focused around accommodating safety curriculums for children with disabilities.

STRONGER FAMILIES CREATE THRIVING COMMUNITIES

During this time of uncertainty, we know the potential for anxiety and stress in homes is high. That’s why we are putting together resources to help families come together during this time of crisis and adapt to the rapidly changing pandemic environment.

��To learn more about the Healthy Families Initiative at GCO��click here.��

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